No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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