Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
