Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
