nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
