So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
