well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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