I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
