we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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