I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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