Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
