Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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