Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I AM VODKA MAN
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
