Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
