grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
