my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
