so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
