I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
