I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
