your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
