I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
