Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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