my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
