where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
