he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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