Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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