can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
