It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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