Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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