YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
