May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
