I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
