she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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