Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
