He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
