I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
