I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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