it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
