i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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