Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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