I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
