dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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