Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
