kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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