there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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