You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
