somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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