My cat gives me a boner
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
