guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
