sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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