last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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