it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
