Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
