Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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