all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
