ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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