I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
