Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
