Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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