You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
