Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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