So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
