...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
