the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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