Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
