I want you more than these girls want KFC
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
