using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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