I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
