We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
