Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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