I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
