Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
