Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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