so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
