The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
