Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
