operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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