so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
