Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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