i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
