Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
