that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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