the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
