She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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