i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
