Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
