Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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