My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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