We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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