WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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