Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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