How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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